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Are pet peeves a deal breaker?

A woman's pet peeves

The importance of pet peeves in dating

It's not rocket science that common interests have always been a popular way of coming together as communities or for finding a partner. We very often search for people who share some of our likes and dislikes and use that as a compatibility check.

So, if shared interests are a foundation to connect, are pet peeves the ground shakers? These seemingly trivial annoyances, be it the way someone slurps their soup or their incessant use of emojis, can, at times, shape relationship dynamics. No doubt seeing someone clipping their toenails in bed gives a lot of people the ick but is it a deal breaker?

The Anatomy of Pet Peeves

Nobody is immune to peeves. Just go to your local supermarket and you'll find plenty of things that annoy you. The sniffers on the personal care aisle trying to find the right scent before choosing a deodorant, the queue hoggers who keep running back for more items or the dad jokes at the till to name a few. However, once you're out with your shopping, you can simply forget about them.

Pet peeves are more than ephemeral annoyances. Let's just say that when a peeve becomes a "pet" you know it's there to stay. Sadly, it's nothing like a pet, quite the opposite. These idiosyncrasies, habits, or behaviours that grate on our nerves, can trigger a unique blend of irritation and frustration. In the dating world, where first impressions are often make or break, pet peeves can quickly become a focal point in the decision-making process.

Compatibility and the Pet Peeve Litmus Test

It's true that in the early stages of dating we generally focus on shared interests and common values. In the background, pet peeves can emerge as influencers that impact our ultimate decision. Think of them as a litmus test for compatibility - can you look past the annoying laugh, questionable hygiene and other habits, or is it a no-no? This is highly subjective so only you can know the answer.

The Power of the Peeves

Do pet peeves hold the power to be deal breakers? It depends. For some people they're trivial and insignificant enough to ignore. Others, however, can find them so irritating that sooner or later a clash will happen. In other words, pet peeves can be a ticking time bomb.

Can You Fix Pet Peeves?

You might not be able to change something completely but you can however, use communication to minimise the effect it has on you. Don't like how your partner chews? Tell them. Do you find the smell of their night cream disgusting? Tell them. With open communication we can express our preferences, dislikes, and boundaries without judgment.

You might not even realise how your own habits can disturb others, so unless someone points it out, it's never going to bother you.

Keep it mind that not all habits can be changed so a degree of flexibility and compromise is needed if you don't want pet peeves to be a deal breaker.

Should I Just Suck It Up?

The dating world is a mosaic of unique individuals, each with their own set of quirks and preferences. Dealing with pet peeves requires a fine balance between seeking compatibility and embracing imperfections.

Sometimes you actually grow to love to hate pet peeves and they turn into inside jokes and can actually strengthen a relationship.

But there's also a chance a pet peeve is so strong that it will build up over time and ultimately lead to resentment, which can put a strain on most relationships. It's up to you to decide how big of a role a pet peeve can have in your life so one way to go about is to ask yourself: can I live with this?

If you can, then find a way to either minimise your exposure or look for a positive. However if you cannot do this, it's probably best to make the hard call.

Share Your Pet Peeves

On Loyal, we encourage users to add potential pet peeves to their dating profiles. Not only are they great conversation starters, but they can also save you time if there's a certain thing that could be a deal breaker for you. Sorry chomper, it's a no go for me.


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